Self Appraisal !!!! :-) :-)

A little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a store and dialed a number.
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
Boy : "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman : (at the other end of the phone line) "I already have someone to cut my lawn."
Boy : "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now."
Woman : I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.
Boy : (with more perseverance) "Lady, I'll even sweep the floor and the stairs of your house for free.
Woman : No, thank you.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.

The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store Owner : "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
Boy : "No thanks,
Store Owner : But you were really pleading for one.
Boy : No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"


This is what we call "Self Appraisal"

old collection -- But worth enjoying again :)

What would u do if you were the teacher :-) :-) :-)

You have good number of reasons to smile ... Keep Smiling!!!

Dialogues of TL's :-)...

if u r a S/W Eng, u shud have experienced IT!!!

Real Managers... Very Funny :-)

I bet you will love this!!!

A team of Managers were given an assignment to measure the height of a small flagpole.
So the Managers go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape. They're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.

An Engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.

After the Engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs.
"See this idiot. We're looking for height and he gives the length!"


Moral: "No matter what good you do, Managers can always find fault in you".

Chuck Norris - - Simply Unforgiving!!!

Best of the Tons :):)

Chuck norris doesnt go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Norris
Chuck Norris's sweat has burned holes in concrete.

Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.

The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg.

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.

Chuck Norris uses red hot lava to moisturize his skin.

Chuck Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade.

Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.

Chuck Norris can kick start a car.

When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.

Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.

The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat.

Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.

Chuck Norris ( Americans' RajniKanth ) Facts!!!!

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face.

Top Rajnikant Facts known to man:!!!

• There is no theory of evolution.
• Just a list of creatures Rajnikant has allowed to live
• Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikant
• Rajnikant counted to infinity – twice
• When Rajnikant does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down
• Rajnikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head
• Rajnikant’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush in Poker
  
• Rajnikant doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is
  
• Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile
  
• Rajnikant can slam a revolving door
  
• Rajnikant does not get frostbite. Rajnikant bites frost
  
• Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Padayappa on Satellite TV
  
• There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikant has beaten to different shades of black and blue
  
• Rajnikant’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through
  
• Rajnikant doesn’t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear
  
• Rajnikant can divide by zero
  
• Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Rajnikant turnaround kick
  
• When taking the GRE, write “Rajnikant” for every answer. You will score over 1600
  
• Rajnikant invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink
  
• In the beginning there was nothing…then Rajnikant kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe
  
• Rajnikant has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth
  
• Rajnikant grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage
  
• Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajnikant”
  
• Rajnikant ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one
  
• If you Google search “Rajnikant getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
  
• Rajnikant can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds
  
• Rajnikant doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint
  
• It takes Rajnikant 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes – no, he doesn’t have a TIVO
  
• The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikant kicked one of the corners off
  
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Rajnikant lives in Chennai
  
• Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink
  
• Thousands of years ago Rajnikant came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decedents now have white hair.

Rajni Rocks!!!

Keep Smiling Friends!!! :-) :-)

Long Live Rajni !!!!!

Funny Facts about Rajni Kanth !!!!

Rajni facts...

for all rajni lovers...

• Rajnikanth makes onions cry
• Rajnikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
• Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
• Rajnikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.
• Rajnikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
• Rajnikanth can drown a fish.
• When Rajnikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
• When Rajnikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajnikanth.
• Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.
• Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
• Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is forhandicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spotbelongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you parkthere.
• Rajanikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.
• Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
• Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth' leg. After five days of excruciatingpain, the cobra died.
• Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
• Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the firs tto spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of every one standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
• Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs.Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
• There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
• Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
• It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
• Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
• Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man,there is Rajanikanth.
• Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
• With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
• The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to squareRajanikanth, the result is death.
• When you say "no one's perfect", Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.
• Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikanth.
• Rajnikanth has counted infinity--twice.
• Rajnikanth doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
• The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikanthkicked one of the corners off.
• Rajnikanth once are an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
• Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajnikanth,there is no other way!
• Rajnikanth can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
• Rajnikanth can slam a revolving door.
• When Rajnikanth falls in water, Rajnikanth doesn't get wet. Water gets Rajnikanth.
• Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
• The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Rajnikanth has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
• Rajnikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
• Rajnikanth ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
• Rajnikanth frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
• Rajnikanth's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
• If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper,what beats all 3 at the same time?Answer: Rajnikanth
• If you want a list of Rajnikanth's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
• Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Rajnikanth does bothlegs at once.
• Rajnikanth does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word,Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
• There are two kinds of people in this world:

1) those who are dead

2) those who have yet to meet Rajnikanth

• Music listens to Rajnikanth.

Just for fun..... Keep Smiling..... Kudos to Rajni that he makes us laugh without acting, just by reading these facts.....

Long Live Rajni!!!!

దాన వీర శూర కర్ణ కి పేరడీ ...

Click on picture to read ...

Now the software version of it!! :)

Thanks To Revathy for sharing this!!!

jandhyala titlu .. back again!!!!

1. కాకి రెట్టేసిన క్లైంట్ మీటింగ్ కి వెళ్ళిపోయే గలీజ్ నాయాల..

2. బూట్ పాలిష్ కుర్రాడితో బేరాలాడి 50 % డిస్కౌంట్ కి చేయించుకునే పీనాసి నాయాల...

3. నాన్న సికారుకేల్డం అని పిల్లలదిగితే ఆఫీసు లో ఫామిలీ డే కి తీసుకేల్తాననే కక్కుర్తి సన్నాసి....

4. స్నేహితుడు రిక్వెస్ట్ పంపితే accept చెయ్యకుండా తిరిగి request పంపే వెర్రి వెదవ...

5. అష్ట దరిద్రమైన శని గ్రహానికి powder పూసి, బొట్టు పెట్టిన దయ్యంలా ఉన్నావ్.....

6. atm లో pan card పెట్టే తింగరి సన్నాసి....

7. ac కోసం atm కి వెళ్లి బాలన్స్ enquiry చేసే కక్కుర్తి ఎదవ...

8. సముద్రంలో కప్పలు పట్టే మొహం...

9. Aquarium లో చేపలు పట్టే ఫేసూ..

10. ఉడతలు పట్టే వాడివి...

11. తొండ మొహం వెదవ...

12. తిని పాడేసిన విస్తరాకులు కడిగి అమ్మే కక్కుర్తి ఎదవా...

13. వాడేసిన బ్లేడ్ ముక్కలను ఇనప సామాన్ల వాడికి వేసే పీనాసి నాయాల...

14. అమ్మాయి సీక్రెట్ గా నీ బుక్ లో ప్రేమ లేఖ పెడుతుంటే చూసి, ఏమండి మీ బుక్ కాదండీ నాది అని గట్టిగా అరిచే అర బుర్ర ఎదవా..

15. కుక్క వెంతపడుతుంటే పరిగెత్తకుండా vodofone sim తీసి పడేసే అక్కుపక్షి...

16. 108 vehicle ని ఆపి లిఫ్ట్ అడిగి తిట్లు తినే తింగరి ఎదవ...

17. శవం మీద మరమరాలు ఏరుకొని bhel puri చేసుకొని తినే పెంట మొహమా..

18. కాకి నోట్లోంచి బ్రెడ్ ముక్క లాక్కునే అంట్ల కాకి ఎదవా...

19. రెండో floor లో పెట్రోల్ బంక్ పెట్టి దివాలా తీసిన ఫేసూ.

20. ఎర్రసైన్యం R.narayana murthi దగ్గర break dance నేర్చుకొనే ఎదవా...

Have fun !!!

Man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT;
woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

Man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION;
woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD;
woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE;
woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.

Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY;
woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thats it!!!

Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things...

While women are still STUCK with shopping.... .......... . !!!

True Marketing lesson :-)

A keen immigrant Indian Marwadi lad applied for a salesman's job at London's premier downtown department store. In fact, it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "Yes sir, I was a salesman in India", replied the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you." The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it. And finally 6:00 PM came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?" "Sir, Just ONE sale." said the young salesman. "Only one sale?" blurted the boss.. "No! No! You see here, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. "If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way "How much was the sale worth?" “300534.00 pounds" said the young Marwadi. "What"," How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss. "Well", said the salesman, "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sell him new fishing rod and some fishing gear. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. So I told him he'd be needing a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer. I then asked him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6-sleeper camper tents. Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about 100 Pounds worth of groceries and two cases of beer. The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!!" "No" answered the salesman, "he came in to buy a box of Sanitary napkins for his wife and I said to him, "Sir, Your weekend is screwed anyway, you might as well go fishing." Boss - "You sit in my chair......."

Jandhayala Titlu konnai - adhunikeekarinchi...

Legendary Jandyaala’s mark scoldings changed little



Enjoy


గమనిక : ఇవి కేవలం సరదా కోసం రాసినవి, ఎవరిని కించపరచాలని కాదు.



1. కాకి రెట్టేసిన క్లైంట్ మీటింగ్ కి వెళ్ళిపోయే గలీజ్ నాయాల..

2. బూట్ పాలిష్ కుర్రాడితో బేరాలాడి 50 % డిస్కౌంట్ కి చేయించుకునే పీనాసి నాయాల...

3. నాన్న సికారుకేల్డం అని పిల్లలదిగితే ఆఫీసు లో ఫామిలీ డే కి తీసుకేల్తాననే కక్కుర్తి సన్నాసి....

4. స్నేహితుడు రిక్వెస్ట్ పంపితే accept చెయ్యకుండా తిరిగి request పంపే వెర్రి వెదవ...

5. అష్ట దరిద్రమైన శని గ్రహానికి powder పూసి, బొట్టు పెట్టిన దయ్యంలా ఉన్నావ్....

6. atm లో pan card పెట్టే తింగరి సన్నాసి....

7. ac కోసం atm కి వెళ్లి బాలన్స్ enquiry చేసే కక్కుర్తి ఎదవ...

8. సముద్రంలో కప్పలు పట్టే మొహం...

9. Aquarium లో చేపలు పట్టే ఫేసూ..

10. ఉడతలు పట్టే వాడివి...

11. తొండ మొహం వెదవ...

12. తిని పాడేసిన విస్తరాకులు కడిగి అమ్మే కక్కుర్తి ఎదవా...

13. వాడేసిన బ్లేడ్ ముక్కలను ఇనప సామాన్ల వాడికి వేసే పీనాసి నాయాల...

14. అమ్మాయి సీక్రెట్ గా నీ బుక్ లో ప్రేమ లేఖ పెడుతుంటే చూసి, ఏమండి మీ బుక్ కాదండీ నాది అని గట్టిగా అరిచే అర బుర్ర ఎదవా..

15. కుక్క వెంతపడుతుంటే పరిగెత్తకుండా vodofone sim తీసి పడేసే అక్కుపక్షి...

16. 108 vehicle ని ఆపి లిఫ్ట్ అడిగి తిట్లు తినే తింగరి ఎదవ...

17. శవం మీద మరమరాలు ఏరుకొని bhel puri చేసుకొని తినే పెంట మొహమా..

18. కాకి నోట్లోంచి బ్రెడ్ ముక్క లాక్కునే అంట్ల కాకి ఎదవా...

19. రెండో floor లో పెట్రోల్ బంక్ పెట్టి దివాలా తీసిన ఫేసూ.

20. ఎర్రసైన్యం R.narayana murthi దగ్గర break dance నేర్చుకొనే ఎదవా...

:-) :-) Man On Moon :-) :-)

the year is 2020 and India’s much awaited MAN-ON-THE-MOON mission is successful. The first Indian astronaut lands on the moon. The moment he steps his foot on moon he is shocked to see 2 Indians already present on the moon.

The astronaut asks them : “Who are u?”

Reply: - .
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“Cameraman Baabji tho Bujji…...TV9"

Keeep Smiling !!!

computer - Male or Female

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.''Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora' ), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

5. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

6 . They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

7 . They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem;

and The women's group, however, didnot have much to say :

Hence men won. :D :D :D

If you feel women must have won. give Four Reasons...

Are you Ready for Marriage???? check Urself...!!!

This one is for all those, who have been bluffed by their partners, that they are ready for the Big 'M'. Believe me you can always fool yourself to think that you are, but there are some Scientific Techniques of finding out the truth.So it's simple now, just follow any of these listed techniques, and find it for yourself.

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1: The Room Trap TechniqueTechnique Summary: This is a very easy and efficient way to find out. Here's how you can do it.One fine day enter into your bedroom, take a big iron lock, and lock your room from inside. and then throw the key outside from the window. make sure that you don't have anything of interest with you in the room. No laptops, mobile, videos etc...Now if you are able to stay in that room, without any problem, till someone discovers that you have been in that room for last 2 days, without any food, water and entertainment. It means that you are ready to Go!Else, if you start feeling TRAPPED! and you start crying for help, you want to get out, but you have no key and you feel helpless....then you have got it, it's what the marriage is all about! stay away from it

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2: The Credit Card Abuse TechniqueTechnique Summary: On one fine day go to a busy market street, and drop your credit card on the road and you are all set, just come back to home. and sit relaxed for month, and wait for your credit card statement to come.Now please go through the bill and details of how your credit card got abused. If you can take all this and still smile and are in position to pay the bill, then you are ready! just say those words "I do"Else please understand that your credit card will be abused like this for the rest of your life, and you will have to take all this with a smile on your face. so think twice before you do the DO!

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3: The Chewing Gum TechniqueTechnique Summary: A very simple, quick but effective technique. Go to your nearest super store and buy a single chewing gum. Now put into your mouth and start chewing it, enjoy the sweet flavored juices, which will flow in your mouth for sometime, then the chewing will start ;turning tasteless, and bland. now you will be tempted to spit the gum and replace with a fresh one. so the real test starts now. You have to keep chewing that gum for the rest of the day. no sweetness, no artificial flavors, no juices, Just a piece of rubber in your mouth.If you can do it successfully, then the gates of marriage are open and also welcoming you in. Else, some relationships can become like a stale chewing gum, and you have to get used to them, before you get into them.Hope the above mentioned techniques, will help you in taking this important decision of life. These techniques are certified by ISO 2008 Indian Govt Quality Process. Please note that the govt. officials were not bribed to get this done! .....

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Nine words women use...!!! Be Careful Guys... - Not For fun :-) :-)

Nine words women use...

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying &*^$ YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

Just for fun - Sardarji Jokes..

Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR


:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)


Manager asked to sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.


:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)


After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)


One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)


When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror.
Sardar shouted, 'You are trying to see my wife?
Sit back. I will drive.


:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)


Interviewer: just imagine you r in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!






Only for fun.... apologies to "Sardarji" for using his name....

Funny SMSes

Fact...

As years go by, u may loose ur hair,teeth & eyesight.

But not ur smartness,talent,brightness & intelligence. B'cos u can loose only what u have...


U r a DOG. hey don't look at me like that. DOG menas Dearest Of all Gud friends..!! Now u're smiling..!!! U Naughty DOG, say vow vow..

Why is FIRE engine RED in color?

Ans: FIRE engine has a LADDER. LADDER has STEPS. STEPS r to be climbed on FOOT. FOOT is to b measured by a RULER. RULER can be a KING or QUEEN. ELIZABETH is the QUEEN of ENGLAND. ELIZABETH is also d name of a SHIP sails on WATER. WATER has FISHES. FISHES hav FINS. D ppl of FINLAND r calld FINS. D national flag of FINLAND is RED. So fire engine is RED in color.
Some other day I will tel u y ambulance is white.......


When a guy and ur galfrnd are going together….
You have to observe that the intention of the guy is always TOGETHER => TO GET HER
Take care of ur GFs buddies

Some Good insults:

1) Any Similarity between you & a human is purely coincidental

2) Are you always stupid or is today a special Occasion?

3) I'd like to kick u in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?

4) Fellows like you dont grow from trees, they swing on them

5) Dont feel bad, a lot of people have no talents.

6) Keep talking, sumday, sumwhere you'll say sumthing intelligent.


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."


let me tell u, honestly from my heart...

Ur one smile makes 100 girls DIE.. .. .. .. "BRUSH DAILY"


What is the height of Flirting? . .. . .. . .. . .. . ..

Its When your love letter starts with "TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN"


Boy and Girl in Hotel:

Boy : I Love you

Girl: I don't Love you

Boy : Think Again

Girl: I told you No

Boy: Waiter, bring seperate bills

Girl: I love you so much


Always try to send good messages coz " jab aapki sanse rukengi ,logon ki zuban se niklega ' sala tha to kameena lekin sms acche bhejta tha '"


At a Dance Party:

BOY:will u dance with me.

GIRL:main bachhe k saath nahi karti.

BOY:So Sorry,mujhe nahi pata tha ki aap Pregnant ho!


Last but the best…
Banner in front of a software company says...

"Drive slowly, don't kill our employees............. Leave it to us"

Management Lesson !!! :-) :-)

Once NR (Narasimha Rao), Advani and Laloo were Travelling in an Auto Rickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died. Yama was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.

He asks and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL. Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment? He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or preconceived notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.

1] PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it correctly. Advani is asked to spell "ENGLAND" and he too passes. It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell "CZECHOSLOVAKIA". Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent. Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (To give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three). 2] PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and passes. Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes. Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GRRRRRR....." Tough one. He fails again. Laloo is extremely unhappy.

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't), he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests. 3] PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?". He replied "1947" and passed. Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?" He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes. It's Laloo's turn now.Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the independence struggle.

Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO *** YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE.

DOGS LEARN FAST!!!

The Value of a Drink ....Seriously Funny $$$

The Value of a Drink "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." ~ Stephen Wright ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O'Rourke

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~ Dave Howell

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the BuffaloTheory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

SIDE EFFECTS of working in IT sector!!!

Bhavik
I once went out to the market wearing my Infosys ID card and did not realize till my friend told me why I was wearing it !!!!

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Ashok
few days back I slept at 11:30 in the ni8 and woke up in the morning at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 9.15 hours and laughed at myself when I realised abt that.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Jyotsna
One from me too...
Just after our training completion in Mysore Dc and postings to Pune, me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants..
And as I finished.. I started walking towards the Basin with plates in my hand.. :)

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Abhijeet
Jus to add...
Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, "why is she not attending the status call?"

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Anup
I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home... thinking it will be blocked any way.
Till I realize - I am at home.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Rohit
Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also............while writing personal mails also.........I jus use the way as if I am writing to onsite or some senior person........
Jus forget that we are jus mailing our friends..............
And keeping hands in front of tap for waiting water to drop by itself is very frequent with me...............I jus forget that we have to turn on and off the tap...........

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Nidhi
Awesome!!
Once after talking to one of my friend. I ended the conversation saying ..." Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"
(Hilarious!)

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Nisha
Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message
from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe its in the recycle bin

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Farina
I was about to throw my hanky into the bin after drying my hand.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Bhabani
Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the door with the keys.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Nisha
Kinda a same experience for me too..
I gave my office mail id and pwd to access Gmail and wondered when did they become invalid???

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Sandy
I have a experience to share tooo .. I was earlier working at the back office of an international Bank. We used to 'dispatch' lot of Credit / Debit cards and statements for the customers and track its delivery later.
Once my granma was admitted in a hospital, my team mate once casually asked me " howz ur granma doing now ? still in hospital ? " ... and i replied to her " She is better now , she will dispatched from the hospital tomorrow !"
This was followed by a loud laugh in the entire bay !

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Sandeep
Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....pharmacist asked whr I want 250mg r 500mg.....suddenly I replied as 256mg...lol....thank god he didn't noticed tht....

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Ashwin
Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Vidyarthi
And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder, decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the silver screen!

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Venu
Few of my friends and myself decided to go out for dinner. The place wasn't fixed yet. I said we shall decide it "run time"

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Krishna
When I went to a movie theatre from office directly.. I showed the guy at the entrance my ID card and walked in... he had to call me back asking the ticket...

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Rama
One late night when I went home after work, I was trying to flash my id card to open the lock and only after few secs, I realised what i'm trying to do

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Sridhar
Once I went to have juice at the local juice vendor and innocuously asked him whether he had a plain 'version' of lemonade.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Arun
Few years back my shogun engine stopped on Bangalore MG Road as the petrol came to reserve. I told my friend I need to restart my bike!

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Satya
The other day I was hearing one guy talking of a "Standalone" house.. when he was actually intending a independent house... Poor broker shud have tuff time trying to find a " Alone house standing in a huge empty area... " don't know what interpretations the guy must have made.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Fun ....Unlimited..

An anxious husband called the hospital to ask about his wife who was pregnant.
Accidentally, he called the cricket stadium.
He asked, "How are things?"He died after hearing this reply:


"Fine!! Three are out, we hope to have the remaining seven out by lunch. And the last one out was a duck."

:-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-) :-)

A man checked into a hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so hedecided to send an e-mail to his wife.However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile... Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

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To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Reached

Date: 12 August 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They gave computers here, andwe are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.I've just reached and have been checked in.I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!

:-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-) :-) :-):-)

Here i am sitting in my office @ night.

Here i am sitting in my office @ night…
Thinking hard about life
How it changed from a maverick college life to strict professional life…...


How tiny pocket money changed to huge monthly paychecks

but then why it gives lesss happiness….

How a few local denim jeans changed to new branded wardrobe

but then why there are less people to use them


How a single plate of samosa changed to a full Pizza or burger

But then why there is less hunger…..


Here i am sitting in my office @ night…
Thinking hard about life How it changed…..


How a bike always in reserve changed to bike always on

but then why there are less places to go on……



How a small coffee shop changed to cafe coffee day

but then why its feels like shop is far away…..



How a limited prepaid card changed to postpaid package

but then why there are less calls & more messages……


Here i am sitting in my office @ night…
Thinking hard about life How it changed…...


How a general class journey changed to Flight journey

But then why there are less vacations for enjoyment….



How an old assembled desktop changed to new branded laptop

but then why there is less time to put it on……….



How a small bunch of friends changed to office mate

But then why we always feel lonely n miss those college frnz.….



Here i am sitting in my office @ night…
Thinking hard about lifeHow it changed….. How it changed……..

These lines really make a valid point ...... Courtesy: Amit Kumar.

Smile Please......

1. A cow standing on the road keeps shouting 'F'... 'F'... Why???



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Because F=ma ( Newton 's Second Law :) )

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2. A boy throws a bottle of Bournvita out of the window. A cat sees it, and takes the bottle of bournvita and buries it under the ground. Why? .
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Because 'CAT-BURIES' Bournvita

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3. Who is called female Java? .
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.Java'Gal' Srinath
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4. 3 cockroaches are walking on the road. Suddenly 1 of them starts singing 'Tujhe Dekha To Yeh Jaana Sanam....' And the other 2 die immediately. Why? .
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Because it was a HIT song


Keep Smiling!!!

Just for Laughs.....:-)

What's the difference between a fly & a mosquito? Simple! .
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A fly can fly, but a mosquito cannot mosquito!!

(2) What did baby corn ask mom corn??? .
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.Where is Pop corn?

(3) Why is the River Rich? .
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It has two Banks!

(4) What do computers like to eat? .
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.Chips!

(5) Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to School??? .
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.She had a Bright Student.

(6) When does Gulshan Grover become Gulshan Grocer.??? .
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.Ans: When he travels with the speed of light.(At that Speed, V=C) (Velocity = Constant).



(7) Ek aadmi ke pass ek kauwa (CROW) tha ???.wo bahut hi naram mulayam tha ??. To woh aadmi uska naam kya rakhega ??? . . . . . . . . . . .





Socho . . . . . . . . . . . . . .







Aur thoda socho . . . . . . . .

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A) MICROSOFT ( My- Crow ? Soft )


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8) Why did the girl changed her name from Shruti to Shraxis? . . . . . . . . . Socho? kyu?.. ??? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .






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Because UTI bank is now Axis bank. Shruti ---Shraxis



Keep Smiling!!!