Are you Ready for Marriage???? check Urself...!!!

This one is for all those, who have been bluffed by their partners, that they are ready for the Big 'M'. Believe me you can always fool yourself to think that you are, but there are some Scientific Techniques of finding out the truth.So it's simple now, just follow any of these listed techniques, and find it for yourself.

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1: The Room Trap TechniqueTechnique Summary: This is a very easy and efficient way to find out. Here's how you can do it.One fine day enter into your bedroom, take a big iron lock, and lock your room from inside. and then throw the key outside from the window. make sure that you don't have anything of interest with you in the room. No laptops, mobile, videos etc...Now if you are able to stay in that room, without any problem, till someone discovers that you have been in that room for last 2 days, without any food, water and entertainment. It means that you are ready to Go!Else, if you start feeling TRAPPED! and you start crying for help, you want to get out, but you have no key and you feel helpless....then you have got it, it's what the marriage is all about! stay away from it

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2: The Credit Card Abuse TechniqueTechnique Summary: On one fine day go to a busy market street, and drop your credit card on the road and you are all set, just come back to home. and sit relaxed for month, and wait for your credit card statement to come.Now please go through the bill and details of how your credit card got abused. If you can take all this and still smile and are in position to pay the bill, then you are ready! just say those words "I do"Else please understand that your credit card will be abused like this for the rest of your life, and you will have to take all this with a smile on your face. so think twice before you do the DO!

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3: The Chewing Gum TechniqueTechnique Summary: A very simple, quick but effective technique. Go to your nearest super store and buy a single chewing gum. Now put into your mouth and start chewing it, enjoy the sweet flavored juices, which will flow in your mouth for sometime, then the chewing will start ;turning tasteless, and bland. now you will be tempted to spit the gum and replace with a fresh one. so the real test starts now. You have to keep chewing that gum for the rest of the day. no sweetness, no artificial flavors, no juices, Just a piece of rubber in your mouth.If you can do it successfully, then the gates of marriage are open and also welcoming you in. Else, some relationships can become like a stale chewing gum, and you have to get used to them, before you get into them.Hope the above mentioned techniques, will help you in taking this important decision of life. These techniques are certified by ISO 2008 Indian Govt Quality Process. Please note that the govt. officials were not bribed to get this done! .....

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Nine words women use...!!! Be Careful Guys... - Not For fun :-) :-)

Nine words women use...

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying &*^$ YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

Just for fun - Sardarji Jokes..

Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR


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Manager asked to sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.


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After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

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One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

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When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror.
Sardar shouted, 'You are trying to see my wife?
Sit back. I will drive.


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Interviewer: just imagine you r in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!






Only for fun.... apologies to "Sardarji" for using his name....

Funny SMSes

Fact...

As years go by, u may loose ur hair,teeth & eyesight.

But not ur smartness,talent,brightness & intelligence. B'cos u can loose only what u have...


U r a DOG. hey don't look at me like that. DOG menas Dearest Of all Gud friends..!! Now u're smiling..!!! U Naughty DOG, say vow vow..

Why is FIRE engine RED in color?

Ans: FIRE engine has a LADDER. LADDER has STEPS. STEPS r to be climbed on FOOT. FOOT is to b measured by a RULER. RULER can be a KING or QUEEN. ELIZABETH is the QUEEN of ENGLAND. ELIZABETH is also d name of a SHIP sails on WATER. WATER has FISHES. FISHES hav FINS. D ppl of FINLAND r calld FINS. D national flag of FINLAND is RED. So fire engine is RED in color.
Some other day I will tel u y ambulance is white.......


When a guy and ur galfrnd are going together….
You have to observe that the intention of the guy is always TOGETHER => TO GET HER
Take care of ur GFs buddies

Some Good insults:

1) Any Similarity between you & a human is purely coincidental

2) Are you always stupid or is today a special Occasion?

3) I'd like to kick u in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?

4) Fellows like you dont grow from trees, they swing on them

5) Dont feel bad, a lot of people have no talents.

6) Keep talking, sumday, sumwhere you'll say sumthing intelligent.


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."


let me tell u, honestly from my heart...

Ur one smile makes 100 girls DIE.. .. .. .. "BRUSH DAILY"


What is the height of Flirting? . .. . .. . .. . .. . ..

Its When your love letter starts with "TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN"


Boy and Girl in Hotel:

Boy : I Love you

Girl: I don't Love you

Boy : Think Again

Girl: I told you No

Boy: Waiter, bring seperate bills

Girl: I love you so much


Always try to send good messages coz " jab aapki sanse rukengi ,logon ki zuban se niklega ' sala tha to kameena lekin sms acche bhejta tha '"


At a Dance Party:

BOY:will u dance with me.

GIRL:main bachhe k saath nahi karti.

BOY:So Sorry,mujhe nahi pata tha ki aap Pregnant ho!


Last but the best…
Banner in front of a software company says...

"Drive slowly, don't kill our employees............. Leave it to us"

Management Lesson !!! :-) :-)

Once NR (Narasimha Rao), Advani and Laloo were Travelling in an Auto Rickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died. Yama was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.

He asks and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL. Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment? He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or preconceived notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.

1] PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it correctly. Advani is asked to spell "ENGLAND" and he too passes. It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell "CZECHOSLOVAKIA". Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent. Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (To give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three). 2] PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and passes. Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes. Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GRRRRRR....." Tough one. He fails again. Laloo is extremely unhappy.

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't), he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests. 3] PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?". He replied "1947" and passed. Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?" He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes. It's Laloo's turn now.Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the independence struggle.

Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO *** YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE.

DOGS LEARN FAST!!!

The Value of a Drink ....Seriously Funny $$$

The Value of a Drink "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." ~ Stephen Wright ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O'Rourke

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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry

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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~ Dave Howell

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And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the BuffaloTheory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

SIDE EFFECTS of working in IT sector!!!

Bhavik
I once went out to the market wearing my Infosys ID card and did not realize till my friend told me why I was wearing it !!!!

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Ashok
few days back I slept at 11:30 in the ni8 and woke up in the morning at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 9.15 hours and laughed at myself when I realised abt that.

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Jyotsna
One from me too...
Just after our training completion in Mysore Dc and postings to Pune, me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants..
And as I finished.. I started walking towards the Basin with plates in my hand.. :)

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Abhijeet
Jus to add...
Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, "why is she not attending the status call?"

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Anup
I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home... thinking it will be blocked any way.
Till I realize - I am at home.

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Rohit
Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also............while writing personal mails also.........I jus use the way as if I am writing to onsite or some senior person........
Jus forget that we are jus mailing our friends..............
And keeping hands in front of tap for waiting water to drop by itself is very frequent with me...............I jus forget that we have to turn on and off the tap...........

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Nidhi
Awesome!!
Once after talking to one of my friend. I ended the conversation saying ..." Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"
(Hilarious!)

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Nisha
Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message
from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe its in the recycle bin

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Farina
I was about to throw my hanky into the bin after drying my hand.

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Bhabani
Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the door with the keys.

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Nisha
Kinda a same experience for me too..
I gave my office mail id and pwd to access Gmail and wondered when did they become invalid???

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Sandy
I have a experience to share tooo .. I was earlier working at the back office of an international Bank. We used to 'dispatch' lot of Credit / Debit cards and statements for the customers and track its delivery later.
Once my granma was admitted in a hospital, my team mate once casually asked me " howz ur granma doing now ? still in hospital ? " ... and i replied to her " She is better now , she will dispatched from the hospital tomorrow !"
This was followed by a loud laugh in the entire bay !

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Sandeep
Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....pharmacist asked whr I want 250mg r 500mg.....suddenly I replied as 256mg...lol....thank god he didn't noticed tht....

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Ashwin
Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.

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Vidyarthi
And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder, decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the silver screen!

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Venu
Few of my friends and myself decided to go out for dinner. The place wasn't fixed yet. I said we shall decide it "run time"

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Krishna
When I went to a movie theatre from office directly.. I showed the guy at the entrance my ID card and walked in... he had to call me back asking the ticket...

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Rama
One late night when I went home after work, I was trying to flash my id card to open the lock and only after few secs, I realised what i'm trying to do

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Sridhar
Once I went to have juice at the local juice vendor and innocuously asked him whether he had a plain 'version' of lemonade.

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Arun
Few years back my shogun engine stopped on Bangalore MG Road as the petrol came to reserve. I told my friend I need to restart my bike!

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Satya
The other day I was hearing one guy talking of a "Standalone" house.. when he was actually intending a independent house... Poor broker shud have tuff time trying to find a " Alone house standing in a huge empty area... " don't know what interpretations the guy must have made.

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Fun ....Unlimited..

An anxious husband called the hospital to ask about his wife who was pregnant.
Accidentally, he called the cricket stadium.
He asked, "How are things?"He died after hearing this reply:


"Fine!! Three are out, we hope to have the remaining seven out by lunch. And the last one out was a duck."

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A man checked into a hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so hedecided to send an e-mail to his wife.However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile... Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

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To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Reached

Date: 12 August 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They gave computers here, andwe are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.I've just reached and have been checked in.I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!

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Here i am sitting in my office @ night.

Here i am sitting in my office @ night…
Thinking hard about life
How it changed from a maverick college life to strict professional life…...


How tiny pocket money changed to huge monthly paychecks

but then why it gives lesss happiness….

How a few local denim jeans changed to new branded wardrobe

but then why there are less people to use them


How a single plate of samosa changed to a full Pizza or burger

But then why there is less hunger…..


Here i am sitting in my office @ night…
Thinking hard about life How it changed…..


How a bike always in reserve changed to bike always on

but then why there are less places to go on……



How a small coffee shop changed to cafe coffee day

but then why its feels like shop is far away…..



How a limited prepaid card changed to postpaid package

but then why there are less calls & more messages……


Here i am sitting in my office @ night…
Thinking hard about life How it changed…...


How a general class journey changed to Flight journey

But then why there are less vacations for enjoyment….



How an old assembled desktop changed to new branded laptop

but then why there is less time to put it on……….



How a small bunch of friends changed to office mate

But then why we always feel lonely n miss those college frnz.….



Here i am sitting in my office @ night…
Thinking hard about lifeHow it changed….. How it changed……..

These lines really make a valid point ...... Courtesy: Amit Kumar.